Sunday, December 8, 2013

On being a stay at home mum and a Hausfrau

Being stay at home mum is very hard, and I am glad, I am not the only one who thinks so. My favourite modern author, Beth Ann Fennelly also talks about it in her book.
People usually get touched by the subjects that bother them, or they get annoyed and depressed. I was sort of like that when read her ideas about new mums, who are at home, then they stay in longer and become less and less independent financially.

This is quite a problem actually.
Not that I can complain or something, but I don't feel free like used to before. I don't work since my 20 months old son was born, I am home with him all day, waking up at dawn and putting him to sleep in the evening. It's been my job now. I love it and I feel fine, at least I don't have a boss to boss me around, except Ezra, who tries to boss, but I am still in charge here, he can't do that to me; so it is good, when I can do pretty much what I please (or what I can), but very often I feel very degraded, if you know what I mean. Sometimes I feel like all my brain has gone with the milk I've nursed Ezra (if literally, that would've been quite useful after all), and now I am only left with my tired hands that clean, wash, change diapers, bake bread, cook meals, and nobody really needs my intellect anymore.
I know it's not like that, my husband definitely respects my knowledge and all, but isn't society harsh on women anyway?

For example, I went to some German bureaucratic office to get some papers done and a lady asked me what was my profession. So I told I had studied journalism, but now was staying at home with my little child. Oh, she said, so you are a Hausfrau, that's what I wanted to know and she wrote down my "profession" straight on that paper.

I am a Hausfrau, I am a Hausfrau, Hausfrau, I was repeating to myself like crazy, then laughed a lot and finished it with crying.
I've never thought I would end up as a Hausfrau :D last Hausfrau of my Matriarchic family was my greatgrandmother, I think. Even my grandmother, who had five children, never stayed home and taught at school, because she believed her intellectual abilities shouldn't go to waste. My mum remembers how exhausted her mum would be after school, but she still would do household stuff, help her own children with homework and only at midnight had she time for herself, to read her favourite Russian poetry and prepare lessons for the next day.
So, dear Grandmama Sophia, I'm not sure if you would be proud of your Hausfrau granddaughter if you knew her now.

Back to the point I started this post - financial independence.
Even though I can spend reasonably, you know regular and normal families don't spend too much, we're just one of those families, that save and go for discounts, or shop at Aldi and Lidl.
Still, I feel bad if I spent too much, because I didn't earn that money and I feel like I should be more considering what to buy and what not to. Or if I want to buy something that is above Aldi and Lidl prices, I always think twice.
I've never been a big spender or a big fashion shopper, but I could buy things before more freely than I do now. It also must be having a baby, because now I tend to buy more things to him than to myself, and very often his clothes are more expensive, than mine, which is probably not very good, but then the quality question comes first, - children should wear good shoes for healthy feet development, they should wear 100% cotton clothes (while I can wear H&M's fake Bio Cotton) and so on...
This is very stressful for me and very often I can't explain my feelings to anyone, because they don't really understand or realise. Most people think women that stay at home do nothing and whatever they do, can't be compared to the real outside world job, but nobody realises how mentally exhausting it might be - when you are depended financially and don't have any real days off, because the job of mum is 24/7.
Plus I am absolutely terrible at making money, so dumb, I don't know why. So if anyone assures you all Jews are rich or can be ones, please send them over to me so I'll give them a good punch. Really! :P

I hope I'll be able to make that lady write down my real profession one day, so I'll be paid for that job and will feel happy and accomplished, as my Grandmother did.


Toma said...

sofi marto ar xar shens emociebshi da gancdebshi. mase vikavi mec, da amitom iko rom damckvdeuli mgelivit vescrafodi finansur damoukideblobas. chemi kmari ki araferze ambobda auars, magram shen rogorc ambob me ver vgrdnobdi tavs tavisflad rom misi gamomushavebuli fuli mexarja, chemi mshoblebsac ki ver vartmedi fuls studentobis periodshi igive mizezis gamo, da tansacmels da cgnebs sxvadasxva proetebze gamomushavebuli fulit vkidulobdi, mere magaziashic vmushaobdi sagamos smenashi (lekciebis shemdeg). ak ki
erti periodi, dzaglebis gamseirnebladac "vmushaobdi" rom chemi jibis fuli mkonoda.

moklet, araferia gviani, camoizrdeba bavshvi da mixedav karieras. mtavaria mondomeba da kidev kmarma xeli unda shegickos, torem ise gagichirdeba. sabago asakshi rom ikneba bavshvi ikneb miikvano bagshi da daicko scavla an rame. rame moklevadiani airchie amavdroulad rom gainteresebdes da samushaos shovna ar gagchirdes!

good luck!

Mzia said...

sofi, ase mgonia chemi ambavi mokevi, shvilis gamoklebit :) rac sakmes kidev ufro artulebs. skolis asakidan sul mkonda ragac tipis shemosavali da mshoblebs ar vacuxebdi chemi arsebobit. mere shevxvdi chems momaval meugles, davyare kvelaferi sakartveloshi da xan holandiashi vicxovre da rom megona aveckve, inglisshi gadmovedit. axla ori tvea mimtanidan dackebuli kvela vakansiaze shemakvs gancxadeba da arc araferi. chemi kmari mamxnevebs da magulianebs, magram dzalian rtulia damoukideblobas shechveuli carmatebuli adamiani uceb rom mimtanis samsaxurzec rom ocnebob...ase rom, sofi, marto ar xar. kvelaferi kargad ikneba, tu dzalian dzalian movindomebt :) patara ezras didi mokitxva :*

babisa said...

:) I know that feeling..

Talia said...

I know this feeling. It's why I always write "teacher" for my occupation, even though I don't really teach in schools anymore. I do figure though that I teach a nearly 2 year old and a nearly 2 week old full time, so I'm not particularly lying. ;-)

Sophie שרה Golden said...

Toma, didi madloba, martla zalian gamamxneve, imitom, rom zustad gaige, rac davwere da rogorc vigulisxme yvelaferi.

mzia, didi madloba. mteli gulit gisurvebt dalagebas da warmatebas. zalian kargad warmomidgenia sheni gancdebi axla :/
didi madloba kidev ertxel da Ezras zalian gauxarda shengan mokitxva :*

Babisa, I am sure you do :)

Talia, you are so smart and absolutely right about what you say.